My name is Mariia and I am 32. Before the war, our family – me, my husband and our little daughter – lived in Luhansk region. When it became far too dangerous there, we had to flee. We lived in a transit centre for internally displaced people for several months, and now friends have helped us find a home.
My husband stayed at home – he said he would not leave because “his place is here”. At the time I didn’t yet realise how much easier life would be without him. I used to think we were an ordinary family: we quarrel, we make up, we live like everyone else. But now I understand that what was happening was violence.
The most painful issue for me was always children. I wanted to have just one daughter, because I had health problems and wanted to fulfil myself, perhaps learn a new profession. But he insisted that I keep giving birth: “A woman must give birth, it is her duty. Otherwise, what do I need you for?”
He forbade any contraception, calling it a sin, “chemical poison”. He threw away the pills and mocked the doctors. I got pregnant several times, although I didn’t want to, and had to have abortions because I knew I would not cope. And then he accused me of “killing the children”.
When the war began, he would not let us leave. My daughter and I fled in the middle of the night – without belongings, without documents. Volunteers helped us and brought us to the transit centre.
There, for the first time, I talked to a social worker specialising in gender-based violence. She listened very carefully and said: “Mariia, what you went through is violence. You had the right to decide for yourself whether or not to have children.”
Those words were like a breath of fresh air – I felt no shame, only relief.
…They helped me restore my documents, have a medical check-up and see a gynaecologist. Later I signed up for short courses for women who had lost their jobs. I want to learn a new trade and give my daughter a stable life.
Sometimes it is still hard – especially when I remember the past. But now I know that I have the right to safety, to respect and to my own choices.
If someone is living in fear right now, thinking that this is how it should be – no, it shouldn’t!
Because no one can decide what you should do with your body and your life.
