I am Oksana and I am 42. I am married, and together with my husband we are raising two wonderful children – Ania and Andrii.
I don’t think my story is unique. But for many who are now where I was two years ago, it can be a push towards change and towards loving themselves. If anyone is waiting for a sign from the Universe, let this be it.
In our home there was an unwritten rule: whoever earns the money makes the decisions. I had a job too, but that didn’t count – nor did my efforts, my wishes, my voice…
Every purchase, even the smallest, went through his control and criticism. This weighed on me more than the lack of money, because it deprived me of the right to choose and of my sense of dignity.
I put up with it. My friends said that men like to control everything, so they saw no problem in what was happening to me. And their comments – “Well, he doesn’t raise his hand to you…” – drove me even further into a corner. Not only did I feel no support or protection, I seemed to be falling into an abyss of pain and loneliness. Where there should have been understanding, there was none.
I was afraid to admit, first of all to myself, that this was violence.
One day a friend advised me to see a psychologist, gave me the contacts and that first push to finally break this chain of pressure. I hesitated for a long time and only reached out when it became completely unbearable.
Talking to the psychologist became my lifeline: it restored not only my faith in myself but also my hope for a happy future for me and my children.
It hurt to see the little ones suffering in silence as they watched what was happening between me and my husband.
Now I know for sure that it was one of the best decisions I could have made in those circumstances.
Then I signed up for evening trainings on raising self-esteem, regaining financial independence, finding my own direction and inner support. It was a small adventure – a couple of hours a week just for me.
Then I had the chance to take on some extra work in my field, and I agreed without hesitation. The money was small, but it was mine.
I cried in the bathroom at work – not out of shame, but out of relief that this was how I was taking back control of my life.
Since then I have been planning the budget and gradually saving those small sums for my children’s future education.
It was also important that I learned to say “I want” and to hear the answer for myself, rather than waiting for permission.
I divorced my husband. I live with my children and no longer let anyone control my life, not even through money.
Now I have a stable income, and I feel that my life is gradually taking the shape I choose. So it turns out that money became the symbol of my independence.
I am sincerely grateful to the psychologist who helped me regain my faith in myself and feel independent, free and responsible for my own life.
So to everyone in a similar situation, my advice is not to delay but to seek professional help, because even in the most difficult situations there is always a way out – you just need not to be afraid and to rely on yourself.
